


This Is Not About You

by HerMeOwn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:39:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8276326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerMeOwn/pseuds/HerMeOwn
Summary: In which Remus has a blog.





	

_"The Beetles were playing on the radio today. It reminded me of you, instantly._  
  
_It's been nearly two years since we last spoke. I really thought I would be okay by now, but I guess I wasn't prepared for how much of an impact you would have on me._  
  
_How the fuck is this fair, dude?_  
  
_I mean, it's not at all fair that you'd get to say and do all the things you did, make me feel all the things I did, and then go ahead and move on and lead a life of your own._  
  
_You can't have me thinking about you after all this time. You can't have me thinking I can never be in love again._  
  
_You are both the love of my life and also my biggest mistake because it has genuinely been wonderful having you in my life and it's also been a giant pain in the ass._  
  
_This is NOT a love note this time. I wrote you enough of those back when the wounds were fresh (why does this still feel so fresh?) but this? This is the note where I declare that I no longer want to be in love with you, a note that I'm typing with anger and frustration because if I don't feel angry, I'd be stuck with a dull, throbbing, STRAINING ache where my heart is supposed to be, a pain that makes me feel out of breath._  
  
_I'm standing in front of my doorsetp thinking about all the moments we shared. All the car rides and the inside jokes and those moments where you'd joke about us dating and I'd say haha, don't be silly when really I should have said yes please, how about right away?_  
  
_I messaged you on Facebook just now. Well, I messaged you before I was connected to the internet, when I heard that stupid song and was overcome with intense longing, and when the message didn't get through, I figured it was a good thing and that I never have to ever say hi to you again, but now that I'm connected automatically as I'm at home (wifi, the wonders of the modern world!), I guess it got through because I'm getting these notifications of your replies and I'm feeling so nervous... and I'm disgusted with myself, because I'm hoping your response would be, hey I broke up with the girl I was dating, and it's disgusting me because I want this even when your profile picture is from the date you took her on your first anniversary, and you look so happy. Worst of all is how I genuinely feel like you'd be a good person for her. I want you to be happy. And I want her to be happy, too. But I'm not selfless enough to let you go just yet._  
  
_I still want you in my life. If I were to go and check the messages and respond and become friends again, would that help either of us at all?_  
  
_Or would that just be useless? Just a shout into the void?_  
  
_But I think the worst part of it all is how you'll never know that this note is about you, how it would be read by strangers on the internet, and you still wouldn't have a clue."_  
  
\-------------  
  
Sirius woke up with a start.  
  
His phone had been buzzing. He turned to his side, making sure his girlfriend hadn't woken up, and checked his messages.  
  
It was Remus.  
  
He was surprised. He didn't think he'd be speaking to Remus after all this time.  
  
"Hey," the message read. "I was listening to a song today and it reminded me of you. Remember My Guitar Gently Weeps? Anyway, just wanted to know what you've been upto. It's been, what, like two years?"  
  
Sirius didn't know how to respond.  
He was overcome with so many emotions.  
He had missed Remus, and thought about him often. He could never bring himself to message him though.  
He typed, "It's actually been eight months since we last spoke," and he hit send before could stop himself.

Later in the day, he would go on to Remus' blog, like he always did but never said, and read the latest post, uploaded at 3.30am that morning, full of typos and tired, running sentences, and he'd nearly spit out his tea.

He would run a hand through his hair, rub his eyes, and go on to Facebook to see if there was any response to his previous message.

There was none.

So he did the next best thing. He left a comment on that post. One among the three-hundered comments already left there by all of Remus' followers.

A comment that would catch Remus' eye despite the slim chance, and keep Remus up all night.

 

_5.56pm_

Siriusly Paddy B:

"This is about me, isn't it?"

**Author's Note:**

> "This MAY be read by strangers on the internet, and you'd still have no idea this was about you."  
> I feel like I need to thank the actual Sirius Black in my life for this note, because he inspired it. But we haven't spoken in years.


End file.
